defining self. remembering others.

Defining Self

Between the news I heard last week and the question I was asked this morning, I've spent much of today taking a far closer look than normal at myself.

Following my morning coffee, weeding through emails, and a few good morning kisses from the pups, I headed out the door for Sunday worship. Recently I've missed more sermons than heard and today I wanted to change that trend. It is after all a new year. For me, the best messages aren't those that are simply well prepared and delivered from a pulpit, but instead the ones that suggest deeper thought and self-evaluation. Today was one of those kinds of sermons. The takeaway as I made my walk to the car was quite simple, “what defines me?”

Ironically I’d already begun asking myself this very question on Friday afternoon upon hearing that a friend had passed away. I was shocked by the news and to my surprise, she hadn’t passed recently, Friday marked the fourth anniversary and I never knew. Naturally, I spent the balance of Friday in memory mode. It was a healthy mental time and two days after receiving the news, it continues.

The older I become, I find myself holding onto my past more than I once did. I certainly don't make it a point to live for the past, but I have great respect for it being responsible for much of the very thing my pastor discussed this morning. In all of it’s greatest, worsts, and more than it’s share of mediocre days, my past defines the very man that I am today.

Reflection is a way I continue moving forward. That evaluation of knowing where I’ve been propels me. My father guided and taught me more than his share from the time I was a child through my adulthood. His far too early death nineteen years ago however didn’t erase those life lessons. I still use them… many of them daily.

Although we hadn’t seen one another in several years, the news of Donna’s passing still saddens me. To say that she died too young is such a cliché, but it’s the best I can come up with and the fact is, she did. I’m incredibly grateful however for all of the life and laughter that she brought to mine. Each of them are now blessings.

The passing of time continues to move quicker than it once did, all the while defining me and defining us. Hold onto it.

beneath a blue sky and a green canopy

Moving Forward ©2012

Yesterday marked the end of the first week of 2012. The weather and the day were nearly identical to the week before. Almost to the minute from a week earlier, I drove past a cemetery yesterday that I'd driven by on the afternoon of New Years Eve. On a date generally known for celebrating great hopes and new beginnings, a funeral was taking place. Beneath the largest blue sky was a green temporary canopy providing shade for family, friends, and loved ones who instead were spending this final day of 2011 by saying farewell. There was no champagne, no confetti, and no loud countdown to a brilliant display of lights or fireworks. There was only sunshine, silence, and goodbyes.

I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking quite a bit about those things that I control; and more importantly, those that I don’t. I’m not generally one that’s big on making annual resolutions. A good idea is a good idea. Whether you begin it on January 1 or May 5th is really unimportant. The importance comes from making a healthy decision, committing to the right people, and being honest with myself.

I’ve happily committed to a number of those in recent years. On December 30, I celebrated my second year of sobriety. It certainly would have been far easier for me to wait until January 1. Then I could have bookmarked it as one of those happy, new beginning, resolution kind of things. It couldn’t wait though and neither could I.

I owe it to myself to be surrounded by the right people; to learn how to forgive; to wake in the morning and live the entire day until I lay my head on my pillow at nighttime for a few hours sleep; to smile because I truly mean it; and to move with a forward momentum. I'd like to dance everyday to the music in my head and sing the lyrics ...whether I know all the words or not. I need to leave any random aches from my past where they are and move with one step in front of the other.

I'm responsible for me, so if a large blue sky plans to shine on my day, I refuse to be invisible.

a man. a camera. a day.

New Year’s eve

Twelve months ago I wanted to be challenged creatively every day. It didn't matter if the inspiration was for five minutes or extended five days. From that idea, this daily photo blog was born on January 1. I committed to it. Not only was I dedicated to the process; it was equally important that I share it with the world. Every… single… day.

The daily promise I made to myself was for one year. Today marks day three hundred sixty-five.

Over the year, my cameras and I became best friends, opening my eyes to the world probably more than they’d ever been before. I saw average things that had gone unnoticed for years and I saw remarkable things that I’ll never see again. I met new friends, greeted the mornings, and anxiously looked forward to tomorrows. Surprisingly, I learned a great deal about myself by documenting each day. The images I took became diary entries, my words a road map.

After three hundred sixty-five days, A Passing Glimpse went from seven views on January 1, 2010 to over 13,000 visitors as of last night. Those numbers pale in the corporate world, but for a guy that just wanted to share a new photo every day, I’ll take it. I’ve stood behind my cameras to capture more than 30,000 images using three different cameras. Some of them will never see the light of day, but a few are keepers. It’s interesting to look over a year’s worth of images. They take me back and remind me. They celebrate moments, days, and light.

Upon stepping into 2012 tomorrow, I don’t plan to do much different than I did this year. I’ll continue unfolding my creative path. I don’t have much choice with that. It’s what I do. New Years always invite new direction and with this post, today fulfills the creative promise I made to myself one year ago. I love how this blog has become such a healthy retreat for me. As I look toward 2012, A Passing Glimpse will continue to be the home for my images and my thoughts… just not on a daily basis. Bookmark this blog, share it with a friend, and follow me on my Gary Garbett Art + Photography page for all of my creative updates. Happy New Year.

And yes, I promise to still be creative. Every… single… day.